A life lesson ...

In the last week A-One's WOW guild kicked him out.

He was very upset telling me about it.

A-One: They said I made them feel uncomfortable.  That I talked too much about what I was doing.  And now they've put me on 'Ignore'.

Mum: Are they the same ones who were planning the real life event next February? (which A-One's father and I had been very nervous about, with all the risks of meeting up with online 'friends').

A-One: Yes, and I was looking forward to that.

Mum: Did they mean you talked too much about what you were doing in the game or in real life?

A-One: I think they meant the game.  What should I do?  I want them to reconsider and give me another chance.

Mum: Well, it seems like they don't want to.  You'll probably have to move on to another guild, and remember to not talk as much about what you're doing.

A-One: They told me a bit about that a while ago, and I thought I'd stopped doing that.

Mum: OK. Well, it seems like it wasn't enough for them.  All that means is that you need to improve picking up on social signals from people.  And you can do that.  But it's much harder in an online game because you miss out on all the non-verbal communication.  Do you know what that is?

A-One: No.

Mum: The words that people use are just a very small part of communicating.  Their eyes, tone of voice, posture - all these things tell you something too - in fact much more than their words.  For example, you might be talking to someone and their eyes might be looking away all the time.  That's a signal for you to stop talking, and perhaps ask them a question about themselves, or to let them talk about something.

A-One: Hold on.  Back track.  What were you just saying?

I repeated it, trying to couch it as a social 'rule' for A-One to learn, when he said:

A-One: I got a message from (a school friend) about that the other day.

He proceeded to show me his Facebook message.  A female friend had given him some tips on how to have (and not have) social conversations.  'Stand about one or two metres (sic) away from people.' 'I might say ...  Then you might say ....  Then I might say ....' and so on. 'You just don't keep talking about the same thing all the time'.  The tone of her message was genuinely wanting to help him, and I was touched by her kindness in going to the trouble of giving such direct feedback in as friendly a way as she could.

Mum: She's trying to help you A-One.  It might hurt to hear it, but you really can learn to do this better. We could practise it here.  She's been a good friend to you, trying to help you like this.

A-One: Do you know the worst part of the guild was that they had a meeting about me, and wouldn't let me be there. What can I do to make them take me back?

Mum: I don't know them, so I can't really advise on what approach might work, or even whether they'd be interested in hearing from you. 

A-One showed me the messages on the game, and they had clearly reached the end of their patience with him, yet had tried to be not too nasty in telling him.

Mum: Had you ever mentioned anything to them about a disability?

A-One: Well, yes, I had mentioned that a little.  And one of the members has a child with a speech problem, so I thought they understood.  It takes a while to find a good guild, and the people in this one seemed to be family oriented.

Mum:  Well, I really don't know if it's wise to try to talk to them again.  When a break-down in a relationship has got this far, if you really want to repair it, the very first thing you have to do is acknowledge what they are saying.  You certainly can't ask for anything first up.  And you might have to wait a while before you even say anything ... to give them time to get over the heat of it first.  Because it sure sounds like you've done your dash with them.

A-One: So what could I say?

Mum: Well, if you say anything at all, it has to be short, and simple, and gracious.

Despite my reservations about trying to repair a relationship with a group whom he has never met in real life!, because it's the first time he's really wanted some advice, I thought it presented a learning opportunity which he could apply in real life.

In the end, we spent a couple of hours talking through it.  We worked on some words which he wrote down on his iPod to copy it online later.  He later sent the message, 'I hear what you are saying.  I get it - I have to stop talking about what I do all the time (in game and IRL).  As you know I have a developmental disability and I want to improve myself.  Thank you for your feedback and for the good times I had in the guild.'

A-One: Of course, I think they really should give me a second chance! The worst part is that I won't even know if they got the message.

Mum: Well, if you don't hear anything back, you'll just have to move on, and remember how you can do things differently in future.  This is a really good time to add other groups to your life - in real life.  Join up for Tae Kwon Do or Karate, or is there some other sport you'd like to do?

A-One: Yes, I might like to do that.

He didn't hear back.

Turbo in waiting?

A-One's fortnightly appointment with his employment consultant falls due tomorrow, and he is meant to have had at least 8 employer contacts since the last meeting.  That was his 'homework' for the last meeting, and the one before that too, but the dog ate it both times.

I reminded him yesterday that we'd better get down to the shopping centre today if he is not to be embarrassed about not having done his homework.

Mum: When do you want to get started tomorrow?

A-One: Early.

Mum: What time is 'early'?

A-One: I don't know. Just early in the morning.

Mum: Well, early in the morning could mean 5am.

A-One: Not that early.

Around 10am, after I had finished my exercise, I woke him.  I calculated that he might be ready by the time I'd finished my shower.

Mum: Time to wake up.  We going to the shopping centre today?

A-One: What for? ... Oh, yeh.

Mum: So get up.  Have breakfast.  Do you need to shower?  Also, empty the dishwasher before we go too.  Get cracking.  We're not going down there at 4pm because that will not be enough time.  And if you leave it until lunch time, the people you want to see may be on lunch.  Come on.  Time to get up and at 'em.

We have had a few exchanges in the intervening hours in response to my
'A-One, what's happening?'s:

A-One: I've only just finished my breakfast ... What should I wear? .... I'm just getting dressed .... I need to check something in my resume ....  I'm just getting something ....

It's now past 2pm.  It appears not a creature is stirring ... I'd better go see what's happening again.

Status Check

A-One hasn't done much brain training over the last month - just one day in the last four weeks.  His last score on Lumosity was 45th percentile, comprising the following sub-percentiles:

• Speed: 72.4
• Memory: 60.1
• Attention: 46.8
• Flexibility: 53.9
• Problem Solving: 9.1

All of the above are well within the average range, except Problem Solving.  I reckon his overall BPI would be higher than 45th percentile if he learnt his number facts.

So, has anything changed for A-One from his brain training?

When he met with his employment consultant yesterday discussing kitchen hand work, I noticed that he worked out how many years he'd been cleaning up the kitchen at home when I said he'd been rostered on that job since he was at least 8 years old.  Next week he turns 23.  He casually slipped into his conversation 'So, I've been doing that for 15 years.'  No pause, no counting on fingers.

I've also been noticing that his conversations as he plays WOW with his online friends are quite coherent and not all one-way.  Quite different from just a few years ago when he'd get on to a topic and keep talking regardless of signals that it was time to let someone else speak, or to inquire after them.  It all sounds very regular to me.

He now needs to build his confidence, and become motivated to get out of his comfort zone at home.

The best laid plans ...

At his meeting with his employment consultant yesterday, A-One reported on the job ads he had found interesting over the last fortnight, even if just a little.

A-One: There was one that required some packaging of orders, with some reception and admin work.  But they wanted someone who could 'work under pressure', and 'answer phone calls at reception'.

Consultant: Let me stop you right there.  How do you know if your idea of pressure is the same as their idea of pressure? You don't really know until you try.  When you think maybe you can't do it, I want you to put those thoughts away, and give it a go.  It's a good to be in the habit of applying, and good practice if you get an interview.  And when they say they want experience? Remember, you say you are willing to learn.

A-One: Yes.

Consultant: As you say, you might not find cleaning jobs really interesting, but you need to start somewhere, and from there you can work on to other jobs that you like better.

Mum: Yes, over the last fortnight, I heard A-One say for the first time ever 'working my way up'!

Consultant: Yes, that's how it can work. Will you get to your 8 employer contacts for our next meeting?

A-One: Yes, I'll do that.

On the way home, the plan had been to go via the shopping centre so that A-One could drop in his resume at his targeted shops (electronic gaming), as well as be on the look out for those looking for staff.

Mum: We'll just stop by home first so that you can swap the thongs for some shoes.

A-One: So, we're going home first now?  ... I really need a haircut too.

Mum: We could do that right now if you like.

A-One: OK.   Now, (consulting his iPod notes) how do I pay for this with my card again? Do I press credit or savings?

The haircut and payment duly executed, we headed for the 'quick' stop at home. He headed for the toilet.

Thirty minutes later:

Mum: A-One, how long will you be?  We'll run out of time!

A-One: We won't do it this afternoon.

After he emerged, he sat at his computer:

Mum: So when do you want to go down to the shopping centre?

A-One: I don't know.

Mum: If you need my help to get there, or to help you practice what to say before you talk to employers, you need to give me a time.  But if you go there on the bus, or walk, then it's up to you.

A-One: I don't know!  I need to think about it.

Mum: OK. How long do you think you'll need to think about it?

A-One: I don't know!

I moved on to something else.  Another day, another try ...

Job Hunting?

A-One and I had an appointment with his employment consultant again yesterday.  He had been given 'homework' - to have 8 employer contacts (submitted his resume) in the preceding fortnight.

Since the last appointment I had been reminding him about looking up the job sites in the way his consultant had shown him, or heading down to the local shopping centre to hand in his resume.  Despite his insistence to the contrary, as far as I could tell not much had been happening because he usually asks me questions when he's perusing jobs.

I woke him at 11:30am for a 1pm appointment.  At 12:30pm, he stepped dressed from the shower:

A-One: We should go down to the shopping centre before our meeting.

Mum: We don't have time for that now.  We have to leave here by 12:45pm at the latest to make it to the appointment by 1pm.

A-One: Yes, we'll have time.  I can't really go with nothing to show.

Mum: I'm glad to see you realise your obligations, but it needs more time than we have right now.  We simply won't make it by 1pm if we go down to the shopping centre now.

A-One: How do you know that? All I have to do is eat my breakfast and clean my teeth and then we can go to the shopping centre.

I left it as a rhetorical question until he had finished his food and cleaned his teeth.  By that time it was 1:45pm.

Mum: Are you ready to go now?

A-One: Yes.

Mum: You realise we're only just going to make it to the meeting?

A-One: Okay Mum.  You don't have to keep going on about it.

I went out to the car with A-One following me. He then rushed upstairs saying he'd forgotten something.  By the time we were backing out the driveway, it was 4 minutes to 1pm.

A-One: What will I say?

Mum: What do you think you might say?

A-One: I don't know.  That's why I'm asking you.

Mum: You'll have to call (consultant) to let him know we will be late.  (This happens for just about every meeting.)

A-One (on his mobile): Just calling to let you know we'll be a bit late.  We're on our way ... No, I didn't get around to that ... yes, we can talk about it soon.

A-One (off the phone): So, what should I say?

Mum: Well, what have you done in the last fortnight?

A-One: I've been looking, but I don't see jobs I'm interested in or think I could do.  (Pause)  ... I could tell him what I've done. And we could go down to the shopping centre on the way home after the meeting.  So I can tell him what I plan to do too.

Mum: Sounds good to me.  Still, it's better to be able to tell what you've done than what you plan to do.

The Challenge

A few days ago I was reading a SharpBrains article about whether brain training really works, and read with interest my own burning question: 'how to max­i­mize the like­li­hood of trans­fer from train­ing to daily life.'

One of the conditions is that it must target a bottleneck. 'For instance, if you need to train your exec­u­tive func­tions but use a pro­gram designed to enhance speed of pro­cess­ing, you may well con­clude that this pro­gram does not “work.” But this pro­gram may work for some­body whose bot­tle­neck is speed of pro­cess­ing ...'

Bingo.
This is the area where I have been looking lately for some professional assistance.  Where is the user's guide to online brain training, so that someone can pick the right brain training exercise for their specific area of impairment?  Even the jargon for describing cognitive capacities seems to vary between sites, or is too general, so it's not always clear which exercises match A-One's specific deficits.


To this end, I have contacted some organisations to raise the possibility of combining professional expertise with online brain training, not for general brain fitness but specifically to improve cognitive deficits, just as I am trying to do with A-One.

For example, the co-ordinator of a 'brain gym' for brain injured soldiers at Walter Reed Military Hospital in the US presented at SharpBrain's Virtual Summit last year. She described how they use readily available brain exercises based on peer reviewed neuroscience, delivered via various media - online, mobile device apps, Nintendo etc - combined with standardised neuropsych evaluations to help soldiers rehabilitate their cognitive capacities after an injury, so that it is evidence based.

It seems to me that A-One could benefit from working with others seeking to improve capacity in their areas of cognitive deficit, where each person's brain exercises are targeted to their individual bottlenecks.  I think he would benefit from the social aspects of meeting with others, as well as increased motivation to keep working at it.

I keep coming back to the initial assessment phase of the Arrowsmith program and the classroom environment for delivery, and why that has been so successful. Could there be something similar for readily available, and inexpensive, online brain training?

So I'm running a few parallel paths of activity at the moment:

• I'm contacting support organisations for people with learning disabilities or developmental or neurological deficits, with a view to joining with other parents and practitioners who have an interest in brain training to see what we could get happening for group training, especially for adults with average or above average intelligence with cognitive deficits.
• I've contacted TAFE to discuss what would be needed for TAFE to deliver the Arrowsmith program
• I have been raising awareness of the educational implications of developments in neuroscience, and the Arrowsmith program in particular.  For example, Coursera have recently announced their Continuing Professional Development program for Teachers which includes a course called The Brain-Targeted Teaching® Model for 21st Century Schools from Dr. Mariale Hardiman at John Hopkins University. I've alerted the Learning Support teacher at my daughter's school to this, and she is raising it with the school's senior admin. I also sent a link to my contact at TAFE, and the Australian Arrowsmith program as it may be a useful supplementary professional development course for teachers involved in this year's pilot in Sydney.

He's a Sharpshooter!

I was listening to a 'Founder Story' of Mike Scanlon, Lumosity's Chief Scientific Officer today.  He made reference to a broader cognitive test that Lumosity members can use every few months to see how their cognitive capacity is going as distinct from how well they are performing in the brain exercises.  (Note: It doesn't seem to work with IE 10, but does with Chrome.)  I can't find a link from the Lumosity website, but I had an email record of the URL from my initial inquiry to Lumosity.

I can't recall why I didn't get A-One to do it initially because that had been my plan.  Perhaps I had thought that limited levels of co-operation were better directed to the actual brain training.

Today he was willing enough to do it.  His test results tell him that his strengths are Speed and Attention. Problem Solving is rated above Memory which is his weakest, even though Memory is his area of strength in the actual exercises and Problem Solving his weakest. The report notes that Attention is good for driving. Imagine that! For a boy who had been told all his life that he needs to be kept on task,  had been on ADD medication for a while, and last year told by the neuropsychologist that he shouldn't get his drivers licence.

I love the encouraging way the report is presented and the smile on A-One's face when he read it: A-One, you are a Sharpshooter! Quick, observant and incisive.  You easily take in information and use penetrating insight to make quick decisions.  With a keen sense of spatial orientation, people with these strengths make natural athletes and navigators.   His overall score also put him in the 'about average' range for people in his age range.

(Would WOW also have something to do with this?)

Mum: See A-One, I think for someone who has your capabilities, it's criminal that you're not out there working or learning an occupation.  And you should be playing to your strengths - get to the gym three times a week!  or Tae Kwon Do or Roller Blading. I'm happy to take you.

A-One: I'd like to go to gym.

Mum: Great.  What time of the day do you want to go - and it should be at least 3 times a week.

He's still thinking about that one.

Mum: For someone who is decisive, it shouldn't take too long for you to make a decision about that.

A-One: I don't think I'd do very well at TAFE, because I struggle with the theory.

Mum: Don't base all your decisions on what you were good at, or not, at school.  Remember all this brain training is to enable you to do those things.  It's not because I'm 'into it' that I'm getting you to do brain training.  It's to make it possible for you to do those things that you are interested in!

A-One: OK.

Motivation and discipline

Once we got home, A-One had some jobs to do which he hadn't done last night, and I reminded him that I wanted to see his last Lumosity results (from Friday). Eventually he called me upstairs to see them.

He pointed out to me that he had achieved five PBs - I was pleased that he showed some interest in his results.  I told him again what great progress he had made - he's almost at 40th percentile overall, is already in the 40s (percentile) for Flexibility and almost the same for Attention.

Mum: You're doing so well, I think it's time to change your training priorities.

A-One: No. Nuh. No.

Mum: You need to work on your Problem Solving (which is still under 10th percentile).  You have done so well on all the others - up 60 percentiles on Speed since you started! You would do really well on Problem Solving if you just revised all your tables and number facts.  You used to know them, they would come back if you worked at them.  If you did that, I reckon you would zoom up on Problem Solving too, just like you have on all the others.

A-One: I know, but look, I will be doing a Problem Solving game today.  It's a Maths one though.

Mum: As I said ....  You know, I'm really looking forward to seeing what difference this all makes for your next job.

Is it making a difference in real life?

Last week A-One's dad asked him to do an outside job - pull down a vine off the fence.  It's a job he had done before, and it usually takes days of hassling to get him on to it.  However, last week he offered far less protest and actually had it done before his dad came home.  I didn't even remind him about doing it, and he did an excellent job.

This morning I asked him if he was ready to leave for Centrelink by 8:20am for an 8:45am appointment.  Recalling the last appointment, he said we could leave by 8:30am and be there on time.  When I think of all the times I try to get him to commit to a time and work back from there as to when to start getting ready! Seems that when it suits him, the working back from a time (time planning) may be all there?

I was reading a discussion on Friends of SharpBrains LinkedIn page this morning, which stressed the need for continued, disciplined effort for brain training to be effective.  That even parents find it difficult to maintain the focus for their children on brain training programs.  I also listened to a TED talk on motivation. How a manager takes notice of what people do can make all the difference to their willingness to stick with things (although I think any parent knows this too).  I know that if I left his brain training to A-One, it would never happen.  I just hope that my continued interest, encouragement and hassling - he sees me recording all his results in 'the red folder' - is sufficient to ensure he is doing enough for it to make a difference.

Easter holidays

As Easter approached, we told A-One about our plans for family camping, as we often do at Easter.  A-One was not enthusiastic.

A-One: Do I have to go?

Mum: Yes. We can't leave you here for 6 days on your own.  You can't even drive to the supermarket for food.

A-One: Will there be anyone else there?

Mum: Yes.  Some of your cousins will be there.

He likes the company of his cousins but he came along grudgingly nevertheless, leaving his packing until late as usual.  He has two tents of his own, but he elected to sleep in the second room of our two-room family tent because there was less setup.

We are used to his 'help' at setting up camp. It involves a lot of looking on his part, and a lot of doing on ours.

Regardless, we enjoyed ourselves, and tried to allocate washing/wiping up to A-One only when timing wasn't important.

Once A-One's cousins had left he kept asking if we could leave a day early. We didn't. However, when it came to packing up, his level of helpfulness was a notch up on his usual standard.

More remarkable was his ready willingness to come with us the next weekend to stay in a high rise apartment down the coast.  No protests about going.  I told him there'd be free internet (enough for emails, but probably not enough for games), but he decided not to take his laptop! When we arrived, he wanted photos of him with other well known high rises in the background, and was keen to go for a walk to check out the surrounds.  This level of enthusiasm is rare.

We ate in the mall on Saturday night, watching the passing crowds, many of whom were dressed up for clubbing.

A-One: There's a real vibe here and I like it. I think I should have worn something better.  I'd really like to stay out - if only I had some friends to go out with.

Perhaps his new Disability Employment Service can help him gain the skills to be more engaged socially.  However, he will need to decide (and follow through) on how much time he plays WOW.  Today, he told us: 'I've just got a mount that I've been trying to get for ages!!!!  I've killed the boss 46 times - it feels like much more than that - but I've finally got the golden Phoenix!  I'm so happy, I'm just shaking!!!'

Pension cancelled!

A-One forgot to report his (zero) income to Centrelink for a couple of reporting periods, and received a letter advising him that his pension had been cancelled. I was aghast.

 

 

 

Earlier I had coached him to set up an alert on his iPod to remind him to report. When he lost his job and his reporting became zero, he had been managing the reporting OK. Despite my suggestion that he should advise Centrelink he no longer had a job (so that he didn't have to report any more), he hadn't taken me up on assisting him with the phone call. 

 

The letter prompted him to action.  Before he made the call to Centrelink, we practised what he could say. He pulled out the making phone calls 'recipe' I had written out for him some time ago.  He handled the call very well, which resulted in the reactivation of his pension (and no longer needing to report his income.)  Phew!

Real life changes?

So after a good three months actual time brain training (longer in elapsed time), have there been any changes in real life for A-One?

I'm aware that results of non-blind clinical studies can be biased by the 'want it to happen' factor, and that may apply to me too.  That said, here are my observations of some behaviours over the last month that I haven't noticed before:

With his proposed change of Employment Service Provider, A-One needed to go through Centrelink hoops again, one of which was his Employment Service Assessment interview (previously called Job Capability Assessment or JCA).  I attended with him.  I noted how he reported the challenging feedback that he had received from previous jobs i.e. his variable productivity.  I realise that expressing this played to his verbal communication strength, however he articulated it very well. Also, when I was deciding out loud on a route home he suggested one route over an alternative and was able to back up his suggestion with a reasoned argument.  There's more 'connecting' in two-way conversations than when he was little; conversations were always like two games of ping-pong - he'd always say what he wanted to say regardless of whatever we said to him.

Of late, A-One has participated in more family conversations or discussions:

• We were watching the news when he ventured an opinion about a news item.  As far as I can recall, that's a first.  The family continued discussing his opinion, including him.
• 'You're a bit of a nerd' he told his sister amiably one day.  It struck me that he had never made such a comment before.
• One day when I was urging him to do his brain training he said, 'You know Mum, I'm just not into it as you are.'  While he still frequently invokes the 'I'm not doing it' or 'I will do it' (at some deliberately undefined time), this response was a new one.
• 'I play WOW because I enjoy it.' While that may seem obvious, he was responding to his sister's question about why he spends so much time at it.  I think the difference was that his tone was less defensive than other times, instead merely a statement about his position.

Or perhaps he is simply growing in confidence and maturity ...