Persuasion - one step at a time

A week or so ago I broached the subject of attending the Arrowsmith program with A-One.

A-One: Well I'm not going!

Mum: A-One, this program could really help you!  For example, if you wanted to do a course at TAFE, you could find it easier than when you were at school.  It could help you learn better.  You remember that you found writing difficult at school?  It could help you do that better.

A-One: I didn't find writing difficult.  It was what to write.

Mum: Yes, that's right.

A-One: Anyway, I'm not going!

Mum: This is very serious A-One.  When we're gone, what will you do? Where will you live? How will you get your groceries? Who will help you manage your insurances? Health cover? Tax returns? Your pension?  It's not right to those who love you, nor to the Australian public who fund your pension, if you don't take up an opportunity which may help you be able to do those things for yourself!  Surely you'll at least try it?

A-One: No, I'm not doing it!

Mum: This is so serious, we'll have to start thinking about making it a condition of you living in this house.

A-One: You can't do that!

Mum: You are 23 years of age and you need to be thinking about living more independently.

A-One: I'm not going anywhere!

Mum: What are you objecting to so much?

A-One: I don't need it.

Mum: And yet you don't have a job, nor a driver's licence, nor able to take on responsibilities that others your age are already doing.

A-One: That's not my fault! Employers should give me a job!  They should give me a chance!

Mum: Don't you want to give yourself the best chance?

A-One: Yes, but I'm not that bad. I don't need it.

Mum: That's right. You're quite capable of many things. But this program is for people who are already good at some things, but have some blockages in their brain that stop them from doing other things.

A-One: I'm not doing it.

Mum: A-One. Has it been your experience that people often get frustrated with you? That they lose patience with you? For all your life so far?

A-One: Yes.

Mum: Do you want it to be that way for the rest of your life?  Do you think we want it that way? There's a chance your life could be different in a way you don't yet know. Don't you think we'd want your life to be one where people no longer get impatient with you?

He started giggling.  Not because he found it funny. It was his emotive response.

A-One: Stop talking about it.  I'm not doing it.

Mum: Well, you've assessed that you don't need this program.  What about the people who are offering the program?  Don't you think they'd be able to tell whether you're a suitable candidate?  If we put in an expression of interest, that doesn't mean you'd automatically be doing the program.  They might decide that it wouldn't really help you, and you'd be right after all.  Couldn't we at least see what they say?

I can't quite recall if he said anything after that. It seemed to me he was still intransigent, so I thought I'd draw round one to a close.  I knew it would take some time for him to get used to the idea, even if just to agree to an expression of interest.

That evening, his father said to me simply, 'He's doing it.'  He went to A-One's room to talk it over with him.

After about 20 minutes, his father reported that A-One had agreed to the expression of interest.

The chorus (A-One's youngest sister) commented: Gee, I was expecting there to be shouting and tears over this tonight, but it was all very calm and controlled. Wow.

I'm not sure where the magic happened.

A-One may be right.  This program may not be the right one for him.  It's for people with average or above average intelligence, and in the past A-One's tests put him at low average - yet still in the average range.

At least we have a chance to find out now.